Marriage Help | 3 Marriage Makeover Keys

Recognizing you have a marriage problem is the first step along the road in solving marriage problems, and for most couples simply acknowledging there is a problem shatters the marriage myth. According to love stories, movies, and fairytales we are believed to live ‘happily ever after’. But what happens when Snow White acquires a taste for vodka martini in the morning? What happens when Robin Hood’s long working hours keeps him from showing proper affection toward Lady Marian? What happens when Cinderella says she has lost her glass slipper again?

School teaches us to add, subtract, read Shakespeare, and conduct scientific experiments, but when it comes to affairs of heart we are left to suffer and learn on our own. No wonder we know so little about love and relationships, and from the moment we say “I do,” we are literally flying by the seat of our pants. No manuals here and the wrong answer can have somewhat of a more unpleasant effect than a D grade. So our marriage becomes an evolving set of experiments, learning and discovering more and more about ourselves and each other, and figuring out what works and what doesn’t. Some say if we don’t make mistakes we don’t really learn, but some mistakes cost too much and the truth is we learn from success more than we learn from mistakes.

That’s why I have 3 marriage makeover keys that can help you instantly transform your marriage. These are 3 things that work and help get your marriage back on track. Let’s call this your error-free way to redeem yourself and your marriage in the eyes of your partner and show them that you are committed to making positive changes in your marriage.

First Marriage Makeover Key
The first key to transforming your marriage is to stop reviewing your issues on a case-by-case basis. Couples that try to work out arguments by going into fine points of every argument are never really going to deal with the big stuff. I’m talking about the issues that REALLY matter in your marriage, and the issues that keep coming up in every disagreement.

Spend too much time at work? Partner feeling ignored? Sex is not as often as before? Either of you feeling unfulfilled by your lifestyle or the relationship? Is the communication poor in your relationship? Does your desire to always be right dominate the feelings of your partner? Spend less time tormenting yourself with the details and more time examining the issues and themes behind your arguments.

• The superficial issue is your job. The theme behind this may be balance between work and home life.
• The problem is you not doing enough chores. The theme behind it may be an invitation to more involvement in combined activities.
• The issue is your constantly grumpy partner. The theme may be your partner’s need for validation in the relationship.

Greater understanding of these key themes behind the superficial issues enables you to develop effective solutions that will really make a difference.

Second Marriage Makeover Key – Evaluate Your Beliefs
The second key to transforming your relationship is to evaluate your beliefs about marriage. It’s okay to not have the fairytale marriage. Even the best couples don’t always get it right. But what makes the imperfections good or bad is how you decide as a couple to treat them. When you disagree about something, do you sit down and talk about it, or is your preference to refuse to see that there is a problem and hope that it will somehow resolve itself?

You need to understand that it is okay to be imperfect. In fact, admitting this to yourself and your partner can be one of the most healing actions you take in transforming your marriage. Admitting your imperfections reveals a vulnerability that can bring you closer together as you find ways to get some meaning out of your issues. Acknowledging that you do make mistakes can open the door to acknowledging that there is a better way to do things, and one of the lessons we need to learn as a couple is to find solutions together as a coupe. Make a list of things that you have learnt during your marriage, and a list of areas that you as a couple can both improve on. Then try sharing that list with your partner and ask them to contribute their thoughts.

Third Marriage Makeover Key – Martians and Venusians
Men may not be from Mars and woman may not be from Venus but the third key to transforming your relationship is in recognizing the differences between men and women, and acknowledging the importance of both roles in the relationship. Your partner different view of things doesn’t make them wrong, and the same goes for you. Truth available to us here on this physical plane and on this earth at best is imperfect interpretations of an absolute and ideal truth, and the key to marriage success is in acknowledging the fundamental differences in the way men and women view things. Men’s view may be a much more task-oriented approach to fixing an issue, where women may focus more on the emotional process in navigating through marriage issues. While approaches are different they can both achieve the same result.

Write down 5 themes or issues. Then I want you to write down 5 task-oriented ways of trying to solve the situation. Then list 5 thoughts-based ways of communicating your way to a solution.

The first step to transforming your marriage is in transforming YOU or a better way of saying it is to let all the hidden potential that exists within you rise to the surface. Being married can be scary enough, but having marriage problems and not knowing how to fix them can be paralyzing! The good news is that you have the ability to step outside your day-to-day issues and look at different ways of viewing your marriage – perhaps look at it from a higher non-attached point of view. Every marriage problem invites you into growing and offers you and your partner the opportunity to learn.

Now it’s up to you to take what you have learned and apply it to YOUR marriage. You too can have a fairytale marriage!

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